My instinct's aren't sensitive anymore. My decision making skills are in the negative, zero, nothing!!
What to order for dinner is so exhausting sometimes I would rather stay in and eat a pop-tart then look at a menu.
"Trust is not about how much you trust one person or another to do right or wrong. How much you trust another person is a function of how much you trust yourself to be strong enough to deal with their imperfections."
Have enough faith in yourself to be able to put yourself on the line with someone, without any guarantee of what will happen next? To me this is like trying to find my home from 3 towns over with a blind fold on. It just doesn't work for me. I am a perfectionist, a little bit of a narcissist, so yes a Control Freak.
Ive been living my life with sweaty palms, I'm afraid of what I can or can't do, dealing with my own imperfections — it's not about the other person, it never has been and it never will be. It's Easier for me to always place the blame there because it's familiar. And as long as I'm taking care of someone else or "fixing," there is no focus on me.
This has nothing to do with loving attention or enjoying it. Those who know me, well they know me very very well. I'm a very lovely obscure complicated women and even more so when I'm in a relationship.
I'm very quiet when I'm by myself, I get lost in my thoughts often and I don't enjoy that...lately.
There isn't anything that can take the place of that void where someone you loved use to be.
Ive experienced the despair and the complete darkness a heartbreak brings to your life. Only once I had no control over how or when. I remember.
Know that you will get hurt if you're in a relationship. There is no perfect person without flaws. Even a well-intended man is going to hurt his partner, same with a women of course.
He's going to hurt your feelings. He's going to say things that you don't want him to say. He's going to do things you wish he wouldn't do and not do things you wish he would do.
A relationship is an imperfect union between two willing spirits who say, ''I'd rather be in a relationship and share my life, share my joys, share my fun, share my activities, share my life than do it alone."
If you want to be in a relationship, know that getting hurt comes with the territory. You just have to decide that you are durable enough, that you have enough confidence in yourself that you can handle it. Trying to figure out whether or not you can handle it, well it just sucks, it's dam hard and I feel like I'm starting from scratch every single day. It's funny how the days go by so fast when your happy and so slow the rest of the time. But slow is good sometimes, life has a tendency of whooshing by when your not looking at all.
***
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet
voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow."
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